Tutoring: A term I feared

Growing up, tutoring was always a punitive word in school. It meant I had fallen behind, I was lost, I could not keep up and that I had somehow failed at being a “good student.” We were taught at an early age that we should be self sufficient and that we succeed by ourselves, on our own merit. If we do not than there is something intrinsically wrong. This is partly where I learned to keep silent about my struggles; I feared bringing shame to my family and more so to myself.

While many of us were being taught that tutoring was a remedial resource utilized by those who are failing; there were those kids who’s parents hired private tutors as a strategy to get ahead, to ensure mastery of content, to be at the top. It was an investment vs a nuisance.

So much pressure is put on us to prove ourselves to institutions, to gate keepers, to future employers. There is no room for failure because they are expecting us to fail.

Truth is, many of us are just learning that the best investment we can make is to ask for help.

Truth is, many of us work each day to shed the feeling of being an imposter.

My parents may not have been able to afford private tutors but their investment came in the form of teas, of favorite meals, staying up late, encouraging words, and believing in me unconditionally.

In medical school we all struggle to find our groove, the right pencil or pen, the right set of flashcards and sticky notes. We question our resources and textbooks. Our energy ebbs and flows and our concentration moves with it.

Maybe, if we were all a little more honest and little more forgiving to ourselves then the pressure to seem invincible would disappear.

In medical school: my process and my blueprint for success includes tutoring. My investment in my learning includes emailing instructors for 1-on-1s. It includes me reflecting and acknowledging when I don’t know something.

Our intelligence is not reflected in our ability to do things on our own.